Satu hari, aku memenuhi jemputan ke PWTC untuk Pesta Buku Antarabangsa sempena pelancaran buku-buku baru keluaran Terfaktab Media. Aku adalah pereka kulit depan untuk keenam-enam buku keluaran mereka. Kerja sebegitu bukanlah dipandang sesiapa pun. Dan tak mengharap dipandang pun sebab yang penting adalah duit poket sementara habiskan degree.
Boss menjemput aku dari rumah petang itu dengan seorang penulis yang senasib seperti aku-tak ada kenderaan. Kedatangan kali ini adalah untuk sokong buku-buku tempatan dan melihat hasil-hasil buku yang direka aku dipamerkan di rak untuk pembelian orang ramai.
Kenapa hisap John Tanya penulis tadi.
Biasalah, student. Nak saving, tapi nak kena kerja pakai otak. Hisaplah apa yang mampu, jawab aku dengan paling jujur.
Gila betul. Mekanik pun tak hisap John tahu tak!
Itu mekanik!
Hisap John tapi pakai MacBook.
Sebab hisap John lah pakai MacBook. Awak
tu hisap Dunhill pakai apa
.
Malam tadi aku habiskan sepanjang malam dengan kawan-kawan satu course termasuk budakbudak Ambar ke Putrajaya selepas kami habis sambut hari jadi Hakim, budak Ambar yang paling aku sayang. Oh ya, Ambar ialah nama satu jalan di Seksyen 7 Shah Alam. Dan mereka gelar aku Princess of Ambar kerana menjadi satu-satunya perempuan yang sanggup menghabiskan masa pagi petang siang malam di rumah bujang yang keadaanya macam hutan puaka. Seronok sebenarnya dikelilingi budak-budak lelaki yang melayan aku macam lelaki tapi masih hormat keperempuanan itu. Betul kata Mak, aku tak akan lama kalau berkawan dengan perempuan. Kami ambil gambar di sepanjang jambatan Putrajaya sampai berpeluh-peluh. Rombongan tiga kereta cukup gamat untuk meraikan malam itu. It was a random plan. Ya, memang gembira dikelilingi kasih sayang yang tak dinamakan ini, tapi hati sebenarnya di tempat lain. Tengah-tengah seronok melompat, handphone berbunyi.
Hmm hello
Eh hi!
Ame dah nak sampai Perak.
Oh okay, drive safely.
Okay, sorry lah ganggu.
Eh tak pun, kitorang baru lepas kena halau polis.
Aku gelak, cuba coverline rasa janggal tadi.
Nanti bila sampai Ame call eh.
Okay.
Eh, kalau takleh takpa.
Jangan poyo boleh tak
Hehehehehe okay, bye. Have fun.
Okay, bye.
Aku tak tahu apa perasaan itu. Yang aku tahu ia janggal. Sampai buat perut menjadi sebu.
***
Battery low. Puas aku mencari plug untuk cas phone. Suasana di PWTC buat aku tak keruan. Ia penuh dengan orang berpusu-pusu nak beli buku pakai baucar. It was so good to see the peoples reaction when they hold the book and easily impressed by the cover. Hanya tersenyum setiap kali tertangkap riak wajah orang. Ada juga orang nak ambil gambar dengan aku. Ingatkan orang macam ini cumalah tempelan hasil-hasil karya orang lain. Sememangnya menjadi popular bukanlah cita-cita aku. Popular itu menjadi pilihan kalau ia betul-betul mengenyangkan perut.
WhatsApp diterima.
78
Ame datang PWTC k
Nak buat apa
Tak sempat habiskan ayat, telefon mati. Kelam kabut cari plug tengah-tengah PWTC. Mujur ada budak cashier yang baik hati pinjamkan extension plug. Eh, apahal kena kelam kabut Chill sudah. Hes just an acquaintance anyway. Tak sampai sejam selepas itu, aku terserempak dia dekat tangga.
Eh, hi.
Hi! Amir senyum janggal.
Kita nak pergi mana
Ame nak solat dulu. Kejap eh, Ame cari surau.
Errr, okay. Awin tunggu dekat luar toilet eh.
Phone takda battery.
Okay.
Sabtu itu rasa panjang. Kami habiskan sepanjang hari yang hujan lebat itu membahan diri masingmasing. Dia suruh aku tunggu sambil berlari meredah hujan untuk dapatkan kereta. Perbualan panjang tanpa henti sepanjang dalam kereta yang tanpa hala tuju itu akhirnya membawa kami ke Strawberry Field, Subang Jaya. Malam ke tujuh perjumpaan, aku tak rasa aku suka dia. Tapi pastinya ada banyak benda yang perlu diceritakan sepanjang tujuh tahun kami tak pernah jumpa.
Sepanjang malam, dia ceritakan tentang bekas kekasihnya Sya yang paling dia sayang. I know it hurts him so bad sebab Sya adalah cinta pertama sewaktu kami mula berkenalan di alam cyber dulu. Dan Sya bencikan aku waktu tu, jadi dia tak pernah lagi balas Yahoo Mesengger aku pada tujuh tahun lepas. Kerana Sya, dia terpaksa tengok aku dari jauh melalui blog. Sya akan periksa setiap apa yang dia tinggalkan di ruang komen blog aku.
Aku suka caranya bercerita. Air muka jujurnya sama seperti Ame yang dibayangkan dalam Yahoo Messenger dulu. Dan pada malam ketujuh itulah, aku tahu apa sebenarnya yang berlaku sepanjang fasa hidupnya.
Malam makin kelam. Pekerja Strawberry Field bagi isyarat angkat kerusi untuk tutup kedai. Dia masih lagi dengan ceritanya. Mukanya semangat sambil bercerita tanpa bagi ruang untuk cerita aku. There is something about him membuatkan perhatian diberi seatus-peratus. Dia bercerita sambil makan makanannya termasuk sekali makanan aku. Terus bercerita tanpa henti.
Penat rasanya selepas seharian di Kuala Lumpur dan berpeluh hujan. Kami sambung lagi perjalanan ke Shah Alam bercerita tentang diri masing-masing tanpa henti. Kami berhenti di Nasi Lemak Cinta Sayang, tempat kali pertama kami berjumpa, tujuh hari lepas.
Dia sambung cerita lagi. Dalam hati aku, Eh mamat ni tak nak bagi aku cakap ke. Tibatiba, restoran black out. Yusuf, pekerja Bangla yang paling baik dengan aku pasangkan lilin di meja kami. Restoran blackout lebih sepuluh kali. Semua pekerja mula memasang lilin di setiap meja.
Kedai ni tak pernah blackout pun sepanjang enam tahun Awin kat sini.
Mungkin dia saja nak buat candle light dinner untuk kita
Aku gelak bagai nak rak. Dah lama aku tak rasa Sabtu yang terisi dengan gelak tawa ikhlas macam kali ini.
***
The best thing in life comes when you least expected it.
For weeks, I have been complaining to my friends that I wanted to get married in 2014. All of them were very supportive. Doesnt matter if it were my homies from Bangi or my UiTM Alpha male friends, they were all very supportive. Yaza had to listen to my taste in women, Murad practically gave me life lessons. I really appreciate all the little talks we had.
My mind was kept sane through my meet ups with them. I was approaching the end of my first year working in a private company and things began to become very routined. I needed a breath of fresh air. Weekend skimboarding session suddenly became pointless.
Sampai bila I asked myself.
But that particular week, it was different. I have spent most of my time, for six days with a friend from the past. A friend whom I usually meet through my desktop on the internet. A friend whom I spent sleepless nights online quite some time ago. A friend who I shared common music playlist when we were both in our teenage prime years. A friend whom I can be myself with. A friend whom I left. Left her years back without saying a single word. What was I supposed to do back then I was in love. Nothing personal.
29th April 2013. After 6 days, 6 nights meeting her, that was the only day I was literally away from her. But my heart was not. I enjoyed my skim trip to Perak to be honest, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I had something to decide. Im not quite sure what it was. But it was something big. Something I left back in Shah Alam. Something I have been thinking of throughout my long drive to Perak the day before.
Alone. At night. I was crazier than I thought when I even asked her to follow me to Perak. Thankfully, for some reasons, she refused. She said that she had things to sort after. Meeting her friends and some kind of meet and greet session with her fans. She is a writer afterall.
Questions need to be answered. I needed a closure. People need a closure, including me. There were endless possibilities. I asked myself, What if shes the one
Easy to get along, outspoken, understanding. Nah, I needed more. 2.30 pm, I called her and said that I could make it to her meet & greet session. Told her that Ill be there around Maghrib. I wasnt nervous, surprisingly. With her presence, my words rarely stutter. I always had something to say to her. I noticed that when Im around her, I was a talking machine. I couldnt help it. Even the dumbest things, I just spilled it out at her. Mean things. Sad things. Crazy and happy. There wasnt one thing I need to filter when I speak to her. Brutally honest she described me. Ill get there soon.
In the mean time, I continued to solve my never ending puzzle in my mind. It took me three hours to reach Bangi. Home. Slightly nervous, straight away I called my companions, Murad and Kiki. I asked them if they were free that night cause I wanted them to tag along to meet a friend on her meet and greet session. Murad and Kiki declined, saying, Pergilah. Kitorang tanak kacau. Kacau apa I replied.
They both laughed and shrugged me off. From that point, I knew I was all by myself that evening. It was 6.00 pm and that friend was on my WhatsApp throughout the day. Constantly asking when will I arrive My final reply was, After Maghrib.
I stayed true to my words and meet up with her after Maghrib. But before that, I had one of my longest shower that day. Im the kind of boy that people usually associate me with the Malay saying, mandi kerbau. That day was unique.
The meeting with her that evening eases off all the tense in my mind that day. All the questions and possibilities in my mind were taken aside. My mouth took over. Seriously, my mouth. That night was all about one last puff of my past. Because I knew at the end of the day, I needed to set the record straight. The decision issue I mentioned earlier played in my mind throughout the day. I needed to put an end to it. Conversations about my past dragged throughout the night with one or two interuptions. Positive interruptions to be precise. That night marked the first time I saw her with make up.
I laughed-- thanks to my unfiltered mouth. I knew I shouldve reacted better. That night was filled with laughter. Its for me to single out why and how. Most importantly, that night, she asked something I didnt expect.
Sementara Ame takde girlfriend ni, boleh tak Awin jaga Ame
For once, that night, I was speechless. She covered the awkwardness. Honestly I cant remember how but it worked. As soon as things were getting normal, there she goes again, saying that,
What if we stop talking about our past for a while and lets talk about now.
Now Oh yeah now. What about now Are you happy about now I know I am.
The book of our past closed shut that night, I assumed. There was something in the air that we needed to clear out. The image of our horrific yet meaningful life in the past without meeting or knowing each other suddenly became a mere, bliss experience that leads towards this night, at least, for me.
I clearly remember how the night went on at that point of time. The feeling of having the possibilities to begin a life with someone youre most comfortable with was, quite soothing. Wait, Im thinking way ahead of myself. I havent said anything to her yet, right
She seems like she was looking forward to hear what I had to say. It was written all over my face that night. I tried to delay my confession cause I really didnt know how to put it in words.
Awin ingat tak hari tu kite cakap pasal Awin tanya kawan-kawan laki Awin. Awin ni wife material tak Kalau ye, brape peratus
Most of her male friends answered zero
percent. She is the type of girl who mostly finds comfort in befriending with male friends while it is the other way round in my case. She finds it easier not to deal with the drama when it comes to girl friends. Dealing with insensitive and sarcastic male friends is her way of getting away from all the drama. As for me, I find my insensitive and sarcastic male friends are just, insensitive towards my problems, sometimes. The profit I gained by befriending with girls is that Im not obliged towards their drama. Win-win right
Back to the story. The restaurant where we hung out, NLCS went blacked out. I couldnt recall exactly when, but it sure was epic. Candles were litted. Nerves aside, this is it.
Ingat. Kenapa She answered.
Awin cuba tanye Ame.
Without waiting for a reply from her, I said, Fifty percent. These past few days spending time with you made me realized. I like you.
Phew. Yeah, that was it. It was kinda an anti climax after all the thinking I went through the day before. I had to shield off my real intention. Playing it safe. My heart knew what I needed. From my point of view, Ill give it all out when the time is right. There were no reasons to rush things off. It was the seventh time meeting after all. Importantly, I laid the foundation that night, revealing what I felt through a development of feelings throughout the six days we spent together. A foundation built through friendship, shared experience, a new-found belief towards faith and an unflawed timing of two people meeting up, after several years.
Unsurprisingly, the night continued without either of us being awkward. We shared plenty of laughs that night, but after I told her what I felt towards her, we were both in our own zone. Quietly hopeful. I somehow knew what was going in her mind and she seems to know whats on my mind. I knew that was a beginning of something.
It was 3 am, and how I wish that night never ended. It was time for us to go home. We didnt conclude anything at that restaurant. What was our position Our relationship What was going to happen All I could say is that we both agreed on one thing-- we were both happy.
Her house was few minutes drive from NLCS. We chatted non stop, as I knew I needed to say something more in the car on the way to her house. Time was inadequate. Upon sending her off in front of her house, right before she left my car, with confidence, I said,
I want to marry you, to take care of you,
and spend the rest of my life with you.
With a beam on her face, she said,
Thank you.
I drove off with a clear mind. Clear from any unwishful thinking, that I have made the wrong decision. Clear from any doubt on how I would spend my life as a young adult. Clear from any possibilities, about when will I end my bachelor life. I was relieved. All the questions which have been in my mind throughout 2012 ever since I graduated were about to be answered after that night. All those years falling down, getting back up was totally worth it. I had no one to thank but God. 7 days. It took me exactly 7 days to get to know the person I left 7 years ago. Did I expect this to happen to me in 7 days
Hell no.
